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Nov. 10th, 2005 @ 01:14 am (no subject)
ok so i think i bit off a little more than i can chew in one mouthful so ive been down in mexico for 2months and its been really cool but really hard for my mental health in case u didnt know i sturggle from what my mother seems to think is depression so anyways i love what im doin there but its real lonely and im not just talkin about how i dont have any of my friends down there im talkin about how the fact that i wake up every day to a place in which i dont belong to go in work and face situations i hope that none of u have to face and on top of all of that i have no one to talk to so about a week ago i started feelin really crappy like i do when i start goin down the same old road so i have decided to take a couple of weeks and come home and rest up
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Aug. 13th, 2005 @ 12:18 am (no subject)
you know lately i have been reflecting on my summer and have come to realize that i really have turned into a pretty pathetic person i have indulged myself in every way except the way that is good for me and have treated some of the most important people in my life like shit to the point where i dont talk to some of them anymore at all. i have weakend all of my friendships and gained soem with the wrong people. somethimes i wish i could jsut stop all the destrucitveness that i have become accustomed to and leave it all in the past where it belongs
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Aug. 12th, 2005 @ 03:20 pm (no subject)
holy shit i havent done this in forever but here goes my summer is over but yet i have nothing to end it for if that makes sense i am not going to school this year so i have no real reason to say its over exceot for the fact that i leave in a few weeks for a new country and a new life at least a new one for a year and that fact really scares me but excites me at the same time. the fact that i dotn have to go to school is still wierd to me but i think i can get used to it very quickly but i think in a wierd way i will miss it too well that is it for me
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Jun. 2nd, 2005 @ 12:49 am (no subject)
well so much shit has happened since last time i updated that i dont know where to start i have rekindled old feelings and forgotten about new ones as they have come and gone. i have resorted back to old ways of coping with depression and stress and have done new things to try to get rid of it as well. im not proud of the person i am right now though it is slowly getting better i dotn really know who i am at the moment so if neone knows just go ahead and let me know i dont feel so crappy all the time now but it still is a day to day journey so keep me in your prayers and i will keep you in mine
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May. 10th, 2005 @ 09:38 pm me nervous. . . pshhhhhhhhhh
holy crap prom is this weekend and its going to be amazing. but for some strange reason im kinda nervous about it which is weird considering im never nervous about anything. oh well it will be fun or i will make it fun one way or the other.
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Apr. 28th, 2005 @ 01:25 am i have excepted the fact that i might forever be a damn emo kid
Current Mood: like a damn emo kid
the question of the day is why cant life stop. why cant you jsut wake up and decide that you dont want to participate in life today and go back to bed. i only ask this because it would make life so much easier to be able to take a break. for now i will have to deal with everyday waking up and getting nothing but heartache until i go back to sleep. why wont it stop you would think that life would realize that you cant take anymore and stop but no it is more lik a kid at an anthill with a magnyfying glass. while i do realize that most of these problems are my fault it still doesnt seem fair that i get bombarded with them all at once on a constant basis. i have decided to officially give up on trying to be happy and concentrate on surviving
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Apr. 26th, 2005 @ 10:53 pm (no subject)
i find inspiration in you
you are so strong and you never seem to be weak
you are always there for me even when i dont want you to be
you are everything to me
without you i couldnt survive this world
i jsut wanted to let you know that i love you and im sorry for all that i do to you
and i hope that one day i can be like you in all that i do
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Apr. 26th, 2005 @ 09:29 pm (no subject)
the last journal entry wasnt meant to be mean i just needed to say it or i was going to go crazy. im having a rought time right now and didnt need another thing on m mind so if you choose to be mad at me for what i siad then you can be but just know that im ot mad at neone and hold no grudges
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Apr. 26th, 2005 @ 07:53 pm (no subject)
i hate the fact that when i hang out with my friends it turns into pick on matt time and the reason they give to me is that im to nice to pick on them back so its easy. well thanks alot i would rather be an easy target than an asshole to my friends. whew! that feels better.oh id just like to say that when it rains it pours so if u have a problem with me please get in line but i warn you its a long line and it could take a while
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Apr. 19th, 2005 @ 11:16 pm (no subject)
i dont get why awesome girls go gor asshole boys and on top of that why do they fall apart when they realize that the boy is an asshole. i hate the fact that boys take a wonderful girl and then walk all over her and then toss her aside. what makes me even more upset is that i used to be one of these boys im talkin about. the fact that as im talkin about these boys i am being hypocritical ive never been ashamed of anything in my life until now and i hate myself for who i was. i wish i could take it all back and have it never happen but i cant. i hate the fact that the bad guy always win when it comes to girls and the girls are never the same after they have been hurt so bad. i dotn want you to thhink that you are hurting me beacause its nto true and im not hurt im just frustrated how someone can treat you so badly and hurt you so bad. i hate the fact that i sound like a little bitch right now but i needed to say this cuz its been on my mind for awhile and its making me feel like shit. i know that you arent ready for anything to happen but i jsut wish we could have met before all it happened with that ass. dont take this as me wanting something to happen because i honestly dont want to try it if i know its destined to fail before it even starts i wnat us both to be ready for it to happen and i hate the fact that im pretty sure that its not going to happen or at least not with me and you. so there is my little bitch moment for the week and i kinda hope that you dont read this cuz im pretty sure it will make things wierd but oh well what the hell
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Apr. 18th, 2005 @ 11:58 am (no subject)
well as far as me goes its pretty much a very big blur. i have no idea what is happening with my life or anything else for that matter. i dont know for sure where im going to school i dont know what im going to do once i decide where im going. as far as the "love life" goes ive pretty much given up trying to make sense of that its just way to confusing. but i do think it would be easier if i could make up my mind on who i would like to focus on. but im pretty much deciding that i do not coose to care nemore so thats a start i guess. oh and by the way im not a bum im a discouraged worker haha.
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Mar. 28th, 2005 @ 12:49 am (no subject)
this spring breakrocked my world and that is all that needed to be said
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Mar. 3rd, 2005 @ 06:38 pm (no subject)
im so fucking tired of all of this. Fuck anyone who has a problem with who i am and the choices i make. U can just stop judging me and get over urselves. but to look on the brigth side i know who my true friends are cuz all the ones i thought were my friends just keep dangling my mistakes and faults over my heads. i just feel like everyone who i cared about pretty much turned their backs on me as soon as i messed up. but its alright my friends hate me and dont want me to hang out with them but whatever i dont care anymore. they can stand on their high pedastools as long as they want and when they mess up i just wont be there anymore. i probably am being really mean right now but i dont even care this has been needed to be said for a long time and its just a burden on myself. i cant believe u can think ur so close to some people and then when u fuck up its all gone just like that. Whatever fuck their judgemental asses. i hate it when ur upset but u cant tell anyone thats kinda whats been goin on for awhile so its all built up to this one terrific blow up. life has a way to take everything away from u and then let u recover a little bit before taking u down again into the hell u call life. i hate the world. and the worst part about it is that i have no one to fall back on like i did before cuz all my so-called friends hate me. to anyone who this offends dont take it personal cuz im kinda pissed right now and needed to write what i was feeling. so in closing fuck klein high, fuck immature highschool friends, and fuck the world.
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Jan. 30th, 2005 @ 10:42 pm (no subject)
this weekend was one to never forget. a mixture of good times bad times. i do believe that i will stop drinking for a little while cuz this weekend was wnough to last me for awhile oh and by the way i think that im kinda in love which is cool for me so be happy for me dammit
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Jan. 25th, 2005 @ 12:05 am (no subject)
You scored as Joey. You're Joey. A little ditzy perhaps but popular with the opposite sex and always hungry. Hey you'd even be up for combining sex AND food!

</td>

Joey

65%

Chandler

60%

Monica

45%

Rachel

40%

Phoebe

25%

Ross

15%

Which Friend are you?
created with QuizFarm.com
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Jan. 20th, 2005 @ 10:47 pm (no subject)
the silence in a conversation is the worst part of life. when u dont know what to say is like dying over and over again. u want to help but ur so afraid of hurting that it just horrible. and when ur afraid that anything u say will make someone angry it is hard to hold a conversation. the worst is not knowing what the other person is thinking if they like u or they hate u. and i know im probably being a baby but all this shit is the worst and i hate it
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Jan. 17th, 2005 @ 10:34 pm (no subject)
Current Mood: awesome
this weekend was the best thing in a long while! and thats all that needs to be said. if u were there u know what im talking about if u werent then be sorry u missed it.
i love bba girls haha
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Dec. 16th, 2004 @ 05:19 pm (no subject)
Current Mood: like a damn emo kid
the fact that i dont feel good right now is really puzzling to me. im getting worried over stuff that i shouldnt and i dont know y and i feel like the whole world hates me its stupid and i am kinda ashamed of it which makes me feel even worse and i feel like a damn emo kid i wish everything just went back to the way they were before and without all this deppressing shit. But whatever i have no reason to be upset so i will just stop feeling this way and if i dont i will pretend that i dont feel the way i really do. And i dont want any of that it will only build up inside u bull shit cuz its just not what i want to hear. I hope that i havent permantly screwed things up with the only people i care about as more than a friend or just a hott girl in this world and im pretty sure that i have messed up at least one of those peoples lives by being an asshole and trying to treat the other of those people fairly but whatever they both probably hate me and thats cool so i will just live out the rest of my life alone and deppressed but hey if all those emo kids can do then so can i. If u know me u know that this isnt how i act but sometimes its how i feel and u would also know that this is just a way that i can vent and wont hold it agaisnt me and wont come up to me and ask me if im alright cuz i dont need that. Its bad enough that my mom thinks im deppressed and even worse that i think i might be too but i wont go to the doctors because of my damn pride but whatever its all bullshit anyway but dont feel sorry for me cuz i just did it to myself and it wont get better until i decide i want it to be.
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Dec. 14th, 2004 @ 11:06 pm (no subject)
Current Mood: philosophical
Current Music: oasis wonderwall
life is a never ending journey upon which u from time to time hit bumps or rough spots and it is through those dark times that you see who u r who ur friends r and who cares about u. If one can learn to embrace these times and learn from them and carry them into the good times as well they will find their happiness and no one will ever be able to take it away from them. I have found my happiness and i dont care what it takes i will not lose it. and for those of u who r trying to take it i hope that u will one day find ur own happiness and stop trying to take mine
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Dec. 7th, 2004 @ 11:54 pm (no subject)
is it wrong that i feel so excited over something that hasnt even happened yet or may not happen at all. ive gotten so worked up over her and i dont even know if the feeling is mutual yet. geez im a moron. im gonna end up messing it up like i always do im retarded
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